He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
