i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
