I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
