turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
