What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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