did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
