Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The uberlube is also flammable
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize