We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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