if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
