remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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