shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
