I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
