Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
