just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think a kid would responsible me up
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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