No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
