So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
