He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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