We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
