If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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