so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize