Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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