Soap is not a condiment
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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