I skipped work to stalk him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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