i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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