We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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