If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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