Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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