See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
