paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
