apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
