at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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