guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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