She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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