new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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