they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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