We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
