batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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