Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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