if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
