I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
