I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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