my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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