What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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