i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
