So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
