Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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