Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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