It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
