I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
