sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im part way to drunk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
