I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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