im about as happy as oj after his trial
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
