please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
