Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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