summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
