I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
