I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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