I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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