It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
