Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
