is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
